Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.
NFL Week Six
Another Sunday of NFL football. What a glorious feeling. There’s no worse feeling than waking up on a Sunday morning super hungover and checking your balance with your bookie and realizing you owe a lot more than you can afford. But then everything corrects itself. The Red Zone countdown begins and you get the soothing voice of Scott Hanson or Andrew Siciliano through your TV (I’m a Siciliano guy forever) and everything is right in the world. You check to make sure all of your bets are in for the day and maybe add some extra 1H action to compensate for the night before, then you’re ready to go. Well, there’s still one thing missing from that morning recovery, and that is the comforting words of one Blakey Locks. So please, enjoy.
The “They Definitely Knew the Spread” Game of Week Four
Sometimes it’s a little too convenient when a team covers a spread or hits a total late in the game. Whether it’s kicking a late field goal to cover instead of going for it on fourth down or going for two to push the total over, something fishy is going on. All I’m saying is coaches and players must bet too.
This is going to be renamed the “Blake Bortles is Fixing Games Game of the Week.” If you recall, last week the BOAT handed it off to TJ Yeldon on fourth and goal rather than kick a field goal even though the game was already over. That late Jags touchdown pushed their game against the Jets o40.5. It was suspicious for sure, but since I was on the right side of the number I didn’t pay it too much attention. Well folks, Bortles is at it again and this time I was on the wrong side of the number so I will not let this one slide. This week the total was set at 48. The score was 30-14 and the Jags got the ball with about a minute to go. Down two touchdowns with a minute left was an insurmountable deficit, even for the BOAT.
Still 5 points away from going over it looked like my cause was all but lost. Then the BOAT started to do BOAT things. He started dunking the ball all the way down the field and making a late charge for the Chiefs’ end zone. The beautiful son of a bitch was going to do it again. He was on the over again and he was going to make sure he was at least getting his cash if he was leaving Arrowhead with a loss. But it turned out I was wrong. Bortles threw a late pick in the Chiefs’ end zone that would have been the touchdown that pushed us over. He got all the way down the field then realized there was no chance of winning the game. He then did what he needed to do and threw the ball right into the hands of Orlando Scandrick.
Blake, I hope you’re happy at home with your cashed under ticket because this Blake is still upset.