Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.
What a bleak, depressing weekend. Championship Weekend wasn’t a full Saturday slate of college football, but there were some awesome matchups all day so it kind of felt like we still had college football. Now we officially have to come to terms with the fact that the college football regular season is over. Bowl season is awesome and is maybe the most fun time of the year to bet, but it’s just not the same. This is an all-time depressing weekend though. The whole pageantry of the Army/Navy game is awesome and I would love to go to the game one year, but once the game actually starts you realize it’s kinda boring. Of course, I’ll be watching anyway but I’m not going to be happy about it.
Pro Tip: If you need to do Christmas shopping or have been putting off going to the DMV or going to some new art exhibit that your girlfriend keeps bugging you about then this is the weekend to do it. Bowls kick off next weekend and the action will be a lot better every Saturday through New Years so if you HAVE to do some bullshit like that then bite the bullet and do it this Saturday.
Degenerate of the Week
Mike Gundy is the ultimate man of the people. He has always been one of my favorite college football coaches, but this pushes him into the upper echelon in my book. So this local radio host bet the Oklahoma State win total over 7.5 before the season and OK State ended up finishing 6-6. Unlike that absolute fraud Todd Gurley, Mike Gundy cares about his fans and recognizes that gambling is a part of sports. So the Mullet penned a check for $250 to cover the guy’s loss and wrote him a note basically saying “Hey my friends are degenerates so I know how it goes. Sorry I didn’t win enough football games. I don’t think a fan should lose money because he believed in his team.” Beautiful stuff Mike. This now joins the all-time ranks of Gundy moments, although number one will forever be this.
So great. From “THE EDITOR IS GARBAGE,” “I’m a man! I’m 40!” to ending it with “makes me want to puke” followed by the awkward scattered applause from the press. Possibly the best press conference of all time.
Army vs. Navy (+7) o/u 40
Nothing like the pageantry of the Army/Navy game. Every pregame video, picture, ceremony, everything is absolute electricity. It’s definitely on my bucket list to make it to one of these games at some point. The atmosphere is just unbelievable. As far as the betting aspect though it’s very interesting. The total opened at 51 for about fifteen minutes at BetOnline before it was hammered to Bolivian by everyone with a brain, but now it’s all the way down to 40. Just preposterously low. HOWEVA, the Army/Navy game has gone under 12 years in a row which is just unprecedented. But at what point is that number just not bettable for an under?
As far as the side goes, Army has had an awesome year and is a legitimately good team. Navy, on the other hand, has had one of their worst seasons in a long time. There has been a real passing of the torch in this rivalry. Navy had won this game 14 times in a row which is crazy for a rivalry game. Then, two years ago Army broke that streak and won again last year, so they’ll be looking to make it three in a row back in their favor. Army is definitely the better team but the way these teams play it’s hard to bet anybody as a touchdown favorite.
My X-Factor: Army’s uniforms and this video where they revealed them
Holy hell. That’s gotta be the coolest uniform video I’ve ever seen. Navy’s uniforms in comparison are pretty weak.
In a game like this one, those uniforms are the difference between a win and a loss. Now, I know I’ve been very ambiguous and back and forth in this game, but it’s just a weird one to bet so I have one place you should put your money. Army is going to win the game but I’m worried it’ll be close. I can’t justify betting an over in Army/Navy, but I also can’t justify betting under 40 so here’s what I got for you.
Thank You For Your Service Lock of the Season: 2-way 6.0 point teaser (-110) Army -1, u46
NFL Week 14
Girlfriend Game of the Week
My girlfriend watches almost no football. She knows nothing about any teams. Luckily gambling is all about raw instinct. It’s a gamble after all. Every week I am going to ask her out of the blue who is going to win a certain game. There’s a good chance these picks win at a higher percentage than mine. (6-1)
This is so fucking absurd. When I came up with this I thought it would be a fun little bit, she would win a couple games and it would be a good time. But 6-1 ATS??? It makes me sick to my stomach. This will be a big test for the GGW though. It’s clear my girl is a college football expert, but can she handle the grind of an NFL season? It’s hard to win in this league. We have a Monday Night Football special to test out the GGW in the big leagues.
Gotta love that confidence.
GGW: Vikings +3
This guide is meant to be fun, but if you came here for picks I will indulge you. Here are the locks of the week outside the Marquee Matchups.
Jets +3.5 @ Buffalo
Panthers -1.5 @ Cleveland
Colts +4.5 @ Houston
Ravens +6.5 @ Kansas City, u51
Dolphins +7.5 vs. New England
Eagles +3.5 @ Dallas
Shameless Plug of the Week
Download my podcast from this week for a deeper dive into the Army/Navy game and NFL slate along with some fun segments. If you’re reading this you should have already hit the subscribe button. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/longshot-locks-week-5-army-navy-preview-nfl-week-14/id1440550176?i=1000425360265&mt=2
Thanks for the support everyone. It’s been a ton of fun doing this all football season. We still have a lot of NFL action and bowl season left to come. Let’s get rich, together.