Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.
NFL Divisional Round
When I first got hired to intern here at Busted Coverage my job description was to write these gambling previews. Since being hired I have written 14 of these previews. Unfortunately, for football season there will only be three more including this one. It has been a long journey and with seven games left in football season, I am somehow still in the green. Between the NCAA and the NFL this football season started with 161 teams, and now we are down to only 8 more teams playing football.
Sorry for getting all nostalgic, this is going to be an awesome last month of football and we need to enjoy this time while we have it. The matchups in this divisional round should be really fun and as long as the Patriots don’t win I’ll be happy. Let’s get rich.
Bad Beat of the Week
Every week I will be bringing you the worst beat of the previous weekend. These are one of the few bets that you actually played perfectly, but you still got your heart ripped out at the last second.
This poor lady got denied her jackpot at the MGM in Maryland because of a typo in her Social Security Number. This is truly one of the worst beats in recent memory. Losing a few hundred thousand over a god damn technicality. You can read my full thoughts on the matter in the link in my tweet above.
Girlfriend Game of the Week
My girlfriend watches almost no football. She knows nothing about any teams. Luckily gambling is all about raw instinct. It’s a gamble after all. Every week I am going to ask her out of the blue who is going to win a certain game. There’s a good chance these picks win at a higher percentage than mine. (7-3)
This might be the most fun thing that came out of these previews. I did it as kind of a joke like it would be funny if she picked a winner knowing nothing about the teams. However, my girlfriend fileted my masculinity over the past few months and had a fantastic record picking games. You best believe she will be closing out the rest of the football season on a strong, uninformed note.
If she picked the Pats I would be watching the games this weekend as a single man.
This guide is meant to be fun, but if you came here for picks I will indulge you. Here are the locks of the week outside the Marquee Matchups.
Colts @ Chiefs (-5.5) o/u 57
This one you can just picture in your head. Andy Reid looking like the Kool-Aid man out in the snow and their first year QB on a huge stage. The Colts are the hottest team in football and I think this came is basically a coin flip. Too many points.
OH YEAH Lock of the Week- Colts +5.5
Cowboys @ Rams (-7) o/u 49
Any of my readers from college football season no I am a sucker for hype videos. This one really got me moving. I think the Rams are still salty about the way things went last year and they want to destroy the Cowboys. This Rams defense has underperformed for the talent they have and I think they are going to dominate the Boys.
I Am Lifting the Todd Gurley Curse Lock of the Decade: Rams -7
Eagles @ Saints (-8) o/u 51
The Saints at home are a different animal and I don’t see them losing one the rest of the way. They were one of my two Super Bowl futures bets at the beginning of the year and I wouldn’t change it now even if I could. Even with this many points, I think the Saints are going to dominate and Big Dick Nick is going to run out of magic. He can’t drop his abnormally large dong and people forever.
Shriveled Up Dick Nick Lock of the Millenium: Saints -8
Chargers @ Patriots (-4) o/u 48
If you think I’m going against the GGW you’re crazy. Also, if you have doubts about teams going to Foxboro and winning games why don’t you take a look at the best night of my life.
It can be done.
Never Fade the GGW Lock of the Season: Chargers +4
The CFB season never ends. National Championship and Heisman lines are out and quarterbacks are transferring left and right. I broke down all of it on my podcast featuring Jack Mac, who is Barstool Sports’ college football blogger. If you want some Way Too Early College Football Futures you can get them here.
As we get into basketball season and there are games happening all the time, you can follow all my picks here: https://getaction.app/tallguy
Let’s get rich, together.