Hello, friends. *extremely Jim Nance voice* I am Blakey Locks, the Degenerate Gambling Intern, and I will be your guide this fall. Every weekend I am going to traverse you through the trials and tribulations of betting your mortgage on a weekend of football. From the New England Patriots to the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks, I will give you the knowledge necessary to conquer your bookie and feed your children. We will win together, lose together and laugh together. Let’s ride.
Super Bowl Sunday
I can’t believe this is the last time I am going to copy and paste that paragraph this year. We’ve had a hell of a good run, but it all comes to an end right here, right now. One more day to let our inhibitions run wild and lose more money than you could ever dream of. It’s going to be such a great day that I just want to get right into it. I’m gonna start by laying out the schedule of how your day should go:
10:00 AM- Pour your first drink of the day. You don’t need to drink allll day but it’s a good idea to start your day with one to get your mind right.
11:00 AM- You should have read this whole preview and should begin to enter every single bet you want to take today. There are so many things to bet that this will take longer than you think. Do it now. Don’t wait until later and have to rush through it.
12:00 PM- College basketball tips off and the WM Phoenix Open is rolling. You should have a couple bets going in those events to get you in the flow. You can get my hoops picks here- getaction.app/tallguy
2:00 PM- The first round of basketball games ended and it’s time to take that money you just won and make your grocery store run for whatever food/booze you want for the day.
3:00 PM- Start eating and drinking said food and booze while continuing to watch other sports.
4:30 PM- Make sure every bet you want is in place. Other than live bets and 2H action you are not allowed to bet a bunch of props right before kickoff once you’re already drunk. They will lose
5:30 PM- Head to wherever you’re watching the game. If it’s a SB Party then scout out the other guys at the party that gamble. You won’t want to be around squids who don’t get your pain when Sony Michel scores the first TD instead of James White.
6:30 PM- Game time. Sit back and enjoy the spectacle.
3:10 AM- Wake up in a cold sweat wondering how the fuck you’re going to pay your bookie tomorrow. RIP.
Rams vs. Patriots (-2.5) o/u 56.5
This is going to be a brutal day for me. I despise the Patriots with every bone in my body, but I know they are going to win this game. This attitude they have right now is absolutely terrifying to see. I max bet the Patriots ML at -135 about a week ago and haven’t thought twice. As Darren Rovell would say, you don’t want to be the guy at the water cooler on Monday who took the Rams when the Patriots win by 40. If the Rams somehow win this game and my bet loses then hand up, I’ll happily burn that money. But I am not going to bet against the Pats and have them break my heart and my wallet.
Also, there are some photoshopped pictures of Drake in Rams gear going around Twitter right now. They have been proven to be fake. But do you know the only thing more real than the Drake curse?
If you know, you know.
Super Duper Bowl Winning Lock That Can’t Lose of the Century: Patriots -135
That link will take you to my full prop sheet. I am betting about a billion of them, so do with that what you like. I’ll also lay out a few of my favorite ones here.
James White o17.5 rushing yards (-120)
James White is famous for being a wide receiver who plays out of the backfield. For a while it was basically if White is on the field the Pats are passing, and if Michel is on the field they’re running. Well, Belichick will never allow his team to be predictable. Last week James White got 6 carries for 23 yards simply to keep the Chiefs D on their toes. Also, the Rams strongest part of their line is on the interior and White is more of an outside runner while Michel is a between the tackles guy, so look for White to get a few outside handoffs and maybe bounce one big.
Gatorade Bath- No Bath (+160), Clear (+200)
In the Patriots 5 Super Bowl wins three of them have had no bath. All business. That’s the Patriot way. So it would be no surprise if we see no bath when the Pats win. But in their two they have had baths one was clear and if the Rams win this thing we have this evidence:
Clear Gatorade for the Rams. Cash it.
1st Touchdown Scorer Jersey Number u29.5 (-120)
This one is interesting. The jersey number of the first scorer u29.5. I think the under is a LOCK. For the Pats it includes- Sony Michel, James White, Tom Brady, Julian Edelman, Chris Hogan, and Phillip Dorsett. For the Rams it includes- Brandin Cooks and Robert Woods, their top two receivers. That means the only real threats are a Rams rushing TD, Gronk, and then a less likely receiver for the Rams. I like our chances here.
For all of the other props I’m taking check out the sheet. It’s going to be an awesome day, y’all.
I just wanted to thank you all for reading throughout the season. These previews have been so much fun over the last few months and I really appreciate everybody who supported. Make sure you share this post with your friends so they can get rich as well. Don’t be greedy. Hopefully, I’ll still be around for next football season. Best of luck.